On resolutions and other addictions

Making a list of New Year’s resolutions (or deciding on a word / symbol / animal / meme / ring tone for the year) is mostly a Western occupation.

Research shows that by the second Friday of January (coming right up!), the vast majority of us abandon our carefully crafted resolutions.

In fact, fitness platform Strava helpfully renamed that day “Quitters Day”.

Just think about it: you are labelled a quitter if you do not bow at the altar of DOing.

The truth is that it is very hard to set goals: if they feel like homework, if you try to take on too many goals, or too specific goals you’ll predictably feel overwhelmed, stop aiming for them, or be so narrowly focused on them that your view becomes too short-sighted.

I often speak about how DOing is the one addiction in our society that is rewarded. It is rewarded with status, promotion, money, things, etc

I should know – I was on that hamster wheel for 26 years!

Here are a couple of suggestions about how to go into the new year with a sense of purpose and integrity to the human BEing that you are:

1.     Doing goals vs being goals

The moment we define a goal in terms of achievement or what the reward will be, we have lost already, in my opinion.

That is because most goals we pick are about doing, and at a time of year when some other mammals are turning onto another side in their hibernation cave, we ramp right up after our cycle of excessive eating, drinking, partying and getting by on less sleep. We dive head first into weight goals, we commit to kicking all our bad habits, learning a new language and doing cardio exercises at the gym every morning.

It is much more helpful to ask ourselves “who do I want to BE?” or “who do I need to BE in order to enjoy life and have fun while I work towards my goals?” Because when you BE you, you need to apply so much less effort to accomplish your dreams.

2.     A list or journal of “pleasant experiences”

You are already familiar with a gratitude list or journal. Personally, I have always had trouble coming up with these lists. It either feels like I’m just a little grateful (of course I’m grateful for a roaming kitty that rubbed against my leg) or I am flying high in the big sky of existence (sooooo grateful to be alive!).

Gratitude doesn’t seem to come in everyday, bite-size portions for me.

However, what does work for me is to write down 10 pleasant things or experiences every day. For example, I wouldn’t say that I am grateful for spending time repotting plants (soil + finger nails = aaaarrrrgggghhhh), but it does make it onto my list of pleasant experiences I had – knowing that I’m contributing to growing something that in turn, will treat me to beautiful blooms in the spring.

Before you know it, you’ll have a journal full of seemingly small and pleasant things that have made you smile. And on the days where you are feeling particularly blue this is the resource that can put a smile in your heart. This will be the thing that changes your state of being so that you can inspire yourself into action when you need it.

Try it, see what happens.

I’d love to hear more about your experience of going into the year using these tools.