Kindfulness as a life strategy
Mindfulness is about present moment awareness, but it is only half of the equation. When practicing mindfulness, it is crucial to do so with kindness and compassion towards ourselves and others. If we cannot cultivate compassion towards ourselves, it is very unlikely that we will be able to be authentically compassionate with others.
Here are a few tips on how to practice your kindfulness muscle daily:
1. Where is your attention?
You know the saying “what you focus on will grow”?
Life will bring difficult and unwanted experiences, but how you respond does not have to be by thinking about the worst-case scenario and effectively checking out of the present moment. The catastrophe we imagine is almost certainly far more terrible than being with and feeling a difficult experience. Like when we worry and the vast majority of things we worry about never actually occur.
Here is something you can practice anywhere and anytime:
Pause.
Become aware of your body.
Feel your feet, place your attention there, take a slow breath.
Feel where your body makes contact with the chair, floor, or bed. Place your attention there and take a slow breath.
Feel where your hands are (in your lap, next to your body). Place your attention there and take a slow breath.
2. Let your inner-critic be
The inner critic is the voice inside that judges all the time, and we judge nobody more so than ourselves. Listening to and focusing on this voice is not helpful. However, neither is fighting it.
When we become more discerning and stop battling or going along with the inner critic voice, we can see it simply as what the mind does. Much like clouds in the sky: thoughts come and go.
You can experiment with this:
Give your inner-critic a name (you may have a whole cast of characters who bring different feelings and emotions to your attention).
Label the feeling or emotion that comes up when this voice makes its appearance.
Once you are aware of what the voice is alerting you to, you can choose to explore it (if you have time, or you can do it piecemeal) or choose to ask it to come back to be looked at another time.
For example: “Hello Judge Judy, thank you for making me aware of my sadness about not being seen as a child. Goodbye Judge Judy.”
As you get better at identifying what feelings or emotions are present when your inner-critic’s voice is loud, you may no longer need/want to use a representative character.
3. Be kind
You know what can pull you out of worrying and catastrophizing? Not bypassing your experience, but being kind to someone (even a stranger) for no reason except to be kind to another human. Even when not everything in your life is perfect.
Whether it is simply wishing the person at the check-out a beautiful day, or sending flowers with a card about why you appreciate them to a friend for no particular reason. What if you expand this and put your body and skills in service of others? Do you regularly contribute to the well-being of your community, in ways other than by opening your wallet? It’s healthy to give of yourself to others, not instead of looking after your own well-being, but in addition to it.
Enjoy experimenting and let me know how you feel.