Who is rooting for you?
As we approach the end of the year, and we are encouraged to make resolutions, plans, and goals for the new year, I remind myself and my clients how useful it is to review the past 12 months. Without that, we forget to celebrate the journey that we’ve been on and the life we are living.
Regardless of whether you feel that a lot of unhelpful things happened or you feel that on balance you had more positive experiences, one thing that is worth considering is who you surrounded yourself with.
You may have heard that up to 95% of your “success” or “failure” in life depends on the people you habitually associate with. This came out of studies done by social psychologist David McLellan decades ago. Contemporary authors and motivational speakers have turned that into “you are the average of the five people you spend most time with”.
Whether you agree or disagree with this, we all know that people who drain our energy, have nothing positive to say, and continuously point out all the reasons why we should not be excited about life, have an impact on us. These are the people you are more likely to cancel a coffee date with because you prefer doing pretty much anything else than spending time with them.
Conversely, we all know people who care about us, are interested in what we are up to, support us and cheer us on when we need it. We love spending time with these people.
If your vision of your future is one that is joy-filled, conscious and intentional, you may want to consider who you surround yourself with.
Especially if you are in the process of making big moves in your life, I suggest you do an annual friend review, which I learned from Rachel Rodgers.
A friend review is not a cold and hard way to cut people out of our lives, but a way of evaluating where we stand and where we are going.
Here’s how it works: make a list of the people you spend the most time with – this should be relatively quick. Now proceed to write down the answer to these questions (as a start, you can make up your own):
- Was this friend there for me this year?
- Does this friend frequently use our time together to complain about their life and then does nothing about it?
- Do we still have similar interests?
- Do I look forward to spending time with them?
- Do I feel energized or drained after spending time with them?
If you are brave, you can take the list of people you love spending time with and go through the above list of questions again, this time reflecting on how YOU have shown up in your relationships with them.
What kind of friend have YOU been?
This review can be a real eye opener and can guide you with regards to how much time and energy (if any at all!) you want to spend with certain people.
What kind of experiences would you like to have this coming year?
How will you create that year for yourself, regardless of what happens in life?
Whether you celebrate Hannukah, Kwanzaa and/or Christmas – may you enjoy the holiday season. May you be kind, loving, and compassionate with yourself and others.
May you be well.