Why you might feel you’ll die if you stop
Clients who have gone through a major life-changing event often tell me a variation on this phrase: “I feel that if I stop, I’ll die.” Others say that they feel the rug has been pulled from under them, that they are blindsided, and that if they don’t stay busy, they won’t know what to do with themselves.
Fight, flight or freeze are common physiological reactions to an emotional shock.
It is shocking to be propelled into the reality of the moment when you’ve simply been going along in life, as if on auto-pilot. You may fight (or deny) this new reality, try to flee it by staying busy (or by physically leaving) or freeze and feel unable to do anything.
Much like the color of leaves in this season, it might feel like you went from being green (read “vibrantly alive”) to red (“red hot anger”) to yellow (pale from taking refuge under your duvet for months) to brown (the color of decaying leaves).
At the risk of exhausting this season’s metaphor, I would invite you to consider that turning into humus (not to be confused with hummus!) is a crucial stage for new growth and new beginnings.
Yes, you may be burying your previous life / your former career / who you used to be, but it is imperative that you make a radical change if you want to create a different relationship with who you are NOW.
You may have heard this quote which is sometimes attributed to Albert Einstein: “No problem can be solved from the same thinking that created it.”
Here are a few tips to start the process:-
Allow yourself to grieve
It is okay to acknowledge your pain and the emotions you feel. There is no time limit on grief and nobody to compare yourself with. Suppressing your emotions can lead to many mental, physical, and emotional health problems later.
Seek support from family, friends and/or professionals
The grieving process can sometimes feel overwhelming, especially when we are alone or not “doing” anything. Reach out to people who are supportive because you are not meant to take this on alone. Don’t hesitate to get in touch with a professional. They are trained to guide you through this difficult time and can give you tools that make the present moment bearable and less scary.
Practice gratitude
You may not feel like making gratitude lists in this moment, but what you can do, is to notice pleasant things when they happen. The simple moments during your day when you feel the sun on your face, you see a rainbow or listen to a bird’s song. These will remind you that each moment is different and that you can enjoy small things, even amidst great upheaval.
-
Remember that a process of personal growth is not linear and that it will take exactly the amount of time that it will take. You can’t force anything so it is not helpful to have expectations for your “progress”.
Eventually, you will reconnect with that spark you know you have inside of you. You’ll be reminded of how resilient you are, and you will find yourself moving toward a vibrant future with a renewed sense of purpose.
I’d love to know how you work with these steps.